the rush and the rise of their high

the way she looked at you and sighed

to herself for

the blood and the bills 

that night they upgraded from pills

when she said yes and you said no

what a bitter bite dripping down her throat

 

she watched closely

the way your fingers gripped the credit card

a substitute for the blade they were lacking

leaving the sound of the uncut crystal cracking

 

on the mirror she saw herself in

more than ready to indulge in more than just one sin

 

pressed to her nose

was a benjamin you rolled

not willing have it any other way

the prestige of the bill 

not used to pay

 

but to ingest lines

upwards of fifteen

coherent but clearly obscene

the amount she lusted for you

the pain lodged deep in her chest for you

 

and how she used whatever she could find to forget it

how many times she wandered the streets

how many dealers did she willing greet

and danced her way around jail time with the quick move of her feet

 

but how could she forget the longing for her best friend

how 

but overwhelming her system until every weekend her life was breaching the end

 

you said you heard her conversations while she passed the j

another drug she thought she loved

just to get her through the days

 

saliva clouding the glass instead of making it clearer

when your back was to her 

she gummed the white powder that lingered in the cracks of the mirror

 

like your lifeless body

lingering on her bed until 4am 

unable to sleep

thinking

thinking

craving

to always feel this rush

to always be this high

to never leave her side?

 

when you left

did you expect her to meet you on the bridge

did you expect her to move survive 

even live

 

after a night like that

 

when she stumbled to you 

searching for solace from her own drowning thoughts

the comfort of your arms during her comedown she sought

 

your body no longer lifeless at this time

at 5am as your fingers dug deep

twisting them every which way inside 

 

and god did she writhe

 

when she was on top of you looking down 

you saw her grin

she called out

her teeth cutting into your salty skin 

 

drawing blood like a blade

when you took everything she no longer felt the need to save

 

when she was the drug and you were the card

leaving bruises on her thighs the next day from how hard

you cracked down on her hips

you tasted the bitter bite of she left on your lips

or the residue clinging to her tongue

 

her nails ripping into your back 

she clung

exploring every inch of your body

drenched in sweat

no longer able to tell whose was whose

all night you had her dripping wet

 

with a complete disregard for sleep 

her body ached

with you asleep she laid awake

with a bloody nose 

she got up without you noticing in the morning

and she gave everything to you without warning

 

in exchange for her best friend

but you, my friend, were her end

 

you were addictive

better than any sort of fix

in fact

she hadn't wandered the streets in weeks

 

until he decided to fuck someone else without a thought

"my feelings for you didn't change" he fought

 

so she finally found a blade for each damned wrist

and cut one long line 

vertically

down the arms he used to kiss